Desert Ponderings

I decided to take a bunch of my "loose notes" with me to Joshua Tree, as I figured I would be spending a good bit of time by myself while Sarah was spending time taking care of her mom.

These were the thousands of loose scraps of paper onto which I have scribbled ideas, over the years, in the hope of "eventually turning them into a useful article or blog post."

Maybe it's profoundly self-involved of me to think that all these fleeting ideas are actually "good enough" to become a worthy piece of writing. As I am revisiting them now, many of them seem rather nonsensical... and it makes me wonder whether I am just wasting a bunch of time by trying to "capture" ideas when they happen, because I harbor hopes of "saving them" for some time when I actually have the time to turn them into "something."

I am, in so many ways, a "frustrated writer." Mostly, I am frustrated because I have to spend all my daily energy on making a living, and it leaves no time over for writing... and I can't afford to simply say "today I am going to write!" because doing so is likely going to result in the electricity being cut off.

Which would suck.

It makes me sad that "creative types" are typically "underemployed," from a financial compensation perspective.

At age 54, I have never been employed at anything that allowed me any more than to merely "scrape by." Which sounds kind of stupid, because I have a college degree (with high honors, no less) in Finance that I have never used for anything. But the financial field never held any appeal... I merely completed the degree to satisfy parental and family pressures.

Sometimes this whole dilemma makes me sit and ponder what we "value" in society, and how rarely those things that "pay well" are in creative fields... and how (sadly) often they are in fields that involve destruction and deception. That doesn't speak very highly of us, as human beings.

Anyway, here I am, trying to sort all these pieces of paper with "great ideas" sketched on them-- and i feel very overwhelmed.

Revisiting Zujava

I was visiting Zujava again, this morning.

The thing I like about Zujava is that it genuinely is a "serious" site for writers, even if it is set up with all the same "sales related tools" other revenue sharing sites have. The pre-qualification requirement for new writer-members is such that most of the "Get Rich Quick Morons" have little interest in applying there.

Of course, it is a pretty "tiny" site, with pretty tiny traffic. You have to be willing to bring your own traffic, or at least create some content that is search friendly, or your work will never be seen.

I am still not sure how much effort I am willing to put into Zujava, on account of their no longer having an Amazon Associates connection. Without that, the only compensation I get is ad revenue share, and that is pretty paltry-- so far.

However, the ad revenue payments have been steady and "on time," since I qualified to receive them, during the middle of 2014. Still, $0.22 to $0.28 a month isn't exactly a way to get rich.

NaNoWriMo, revisited

It's November again, and that means "NaNoWriMo," at least for some people.

I've been asked a number of times why I don't "do" NaNoWriMo... and even though I've toyed with it a few times, I just never have. Perhaps the most central reason is that I just don't write fiction. And the "No" part is short for "novel" and I have little to no interest in actually writing a novel.

One year I tried to "adapt" the NaNoWriMo concept to fit my style by embarking on a challenge to "write 30 articles in 30 days" but it didn't really work out for me.

I suppose it is not surprising: Even in the past, "structured" writing exercises have never been my friend. Whereas I recognize their value-- as a tool to "get in the habit" of writing every day, creating something to a "writing prompt" had never resulted in my churning out anything better than "mediocre garbage."

The "lure" if it is there, every year, however. I start seeing posts on forums and Facebook, and I start getting notices in my email... and I start thinking "Maybe I should DO that!"

But no, I'm going to pass.

The Effort Involved in "Updating"

Yesterday, I finally got started on the process of looking at the articles that were transferred from Squidoo to my "new" account at HubPages.

I am still feeling a little bit "meh" about the fact that we are not able to combine the accounts, or at least do a one-time transfer of articles between accounts, for those of us who had existing HubPages accounts at the time Squidoo announced its demise. I would have liked to have been able to "organize" my content into somewhat meaningful categories.

I have been putting off dealing with the editing process because I know my articles are "long and involved" and it would take a lot of work.

I was not wrong about that: Editing my first article-- in Introduction to Stamp Collecting-- took me a good three hours of work, because of the time it took to "re-format" different segments and get rid of sections that "made sense" on Squidoo, but do not work with the HubPages interface. I well understand why I have been putting it off.

Fortunately, I only have a total of eight (now seven) articles I need "convert," so it's not a huge amount of work. Even so, it feels a little like I'm going to spend 20-25 hours doing something that will end up earning me $5.00 a month... that's pretty measly pay.

The "Facts of Life:" Not having time

It always ends up sort of offending me when I don't have time to write.

Perhaps what is really bugging me is living a reality in which I am sincerely struggling to make the daily living, to the point where time given to writing has an "opportunity cost" that literally means that when I give three hours to writing, I am taking away three hours from doing something income producing... which, in turn, means that the "cost" of writing could be "the electricity gets turned off."

Just another reminder that writing isn't generally something people get paid for.

Recently, I have been considering writing "social commentary" again. One of the things I like to rant and rave about is the inequities of life generally attributable to a capitalist system run rampant. Or, at least to a system where the Machine of Life has been given free license to operate without restrictions, and greed is "valued" as an attribute that leads to ostensible "achievement."

My thinking about taking up this angle of writing again mostly has to do with a call from Liane at OM Times Magazine, lamenting that her pool of some 1900 contributors seem to exclusively want to write about Metaphysical Woo-Woo, rather than some of the other areas broadly covered by a magazine about "Consciousness."

And so, I was thinking to myself "I can do that!"

The idea of "consciousness" and living consciously has always appealed to me... perhaps since my childhood days where I just couldn't figure out why people were so unkind to each other.

Stay tuned for updates.

Writing.... as Meditation, and its Commercial Implications

I think part of my "problem" with being a writer is that the vast majority of what I write is in the form of personal "meditative journaling."

That is the kind of writing I like the most, and it essentially amounts to some 80% of all my writing. When I "sit with myself" and am completely honest about my motivations, I have very little interest in writing about "topics." I like to just sit down and let the words flow, by themselves. And it is pretty rare that they flow in any direction that might be described as "commercially viable."

Writing-- for me-- is ultimately a personal meditation of sorts. It pretty much always have been, and in more recent times it got a bit of a shot in the arm after I read Julia Cameron's "The Artists Way," which inspired me to pursue a more structured routine of writing "Morning Pages."

As my writing "career" has unfolded, I have increasingly turned to variations of "personal blogging" that only has the faintest of connections to something "useful." Now, I have to confess (in my defense?) that my own interest-- as a reader-- is in people's personal stories. I like to read about human beings and their striving for self-actualization and attempts to find inner peace. I really don't care about "the stock market" or "the Middle East" or "how to install cabinetry" or "decorating with a Hawaiian flair."

In many ways... I believe our writing reflects our interests. My "interests" are psychology, self-development and the human condition. In the greater scheme of things, these are minute niche markets. Now, if we add in my other ventures and hobbies... like stamp collecting, beach combing, and my artwork... I still end up with tiny niche markets with little broad appeal.

I'm not sure exactly why I am "musing" on this, right now... other than maybe for the reason that I am increasingly becoming resigned to the idea that my writing may never be much more than a very minimal income stream. Put simply: I'm not writing anything that's likely to get 100,000 readers a day.

Not that this will make me stop, mind you. Nor will it make me want to sell my soul and start pursuing so-called "popular topics." But it is something to think about... just how small are our niches?

Overwhelmed, Again...

I am finding myself feeling overwhelmed, again.

I know some of it can be attributed simply to the fact that I am an HSP, and we are easily overstimulated. No new news there.

Understand that I don't have "Writer's Block." I'd call it "Writer's Congestion" or "Writer's Sewage Clogs."

Meh... it means that I have plenty of things to write about, and loads of ideas, and loads of outlines... but I feel like someone standing before a 5-acre parcel of land covered with scrub, with only a pair of hand clippers to clear everything.

Daunting.

Oh, and wait! "Clearing Brush" isn't actually my job. I have to do something else, full-time, and then find the energy to clear five acres of brush with hand shears,

My short little span of attention doesn't like the idea of starting in on something that will take several years to complete. I get "uncomfortable" and start squirming in my chair as soon as a project might take more than 30 minutes to complete.

Hence the thought of turning some five million words of scratch notes, outlines and partially written prose into organized and good quality content... as blog posts, articles, web content and even books... is stunningly overwhelming.

Situations like these tend to make me buzz around like a fly in a bottle, going in circles but not really "getting anywhere."

More on the Squidoo to HubPages Transition

I am feeling a bit stuck.

I keep going back to have a look at my "new" HubPages account, which holds my articles that formerly were over at soon-to-be-defunct Squidoo. I am watching them slowly starting to get more page views, and I am watching their "Hub Scores" slowly improve. A few days ago, I actually got my first Amazon sales since the switch, and that was kind of exciting.

I also know they are in very "rough format" at the moment, and I will have to go through all of them and substantially rewrite them all, in order for them to not only look good, but to comply with HubPages formatting policies. Because the Squidoo format really didn't translate all that well. But hey, I'm grateful... at least I still have some articles.

There is a LOT of "busy work" associated with writing online, and I find it frustrating. Part of that is my nature... I have never been all that much of a "go-getter." I want to do things, stick them out there, and then "be done" with it all. Period. I was never very good at (or comfortable with) the whole self-promotion thing.

This has led me to consider the whole issue that bugs me about this "industry," namely that SO much writing feels like not "writing" but thinly veiled "sales pitches." My insight being that it may be that the majority of people doing this "gig" are not really "writers," but "sales people" who happen to write a little.

It makes me ponder whether this is a shark tank I even want to swim in... but for now, I shall continue.