Overwhelmed, Again...

I am finding myself feeling overwhelmed, again.

I know some of it can be attributed simply to the fact that I am an HSP, and we are easily overstimulated. No new news there.

Understand that I don't have "Writer's Block." I'd call it "Writer's Congestion" or "Writer's Sewage Clogs."

Meh... it means that I have plenty of things to write about, and loads of ideas, and loads of outlines... but I feel like someone standing before a 5-acre parcel of land covered with scrub, with only a pair of hand clippers to clear everything.

Daunting.

Oh, and wait! "Clearing Brush" isn't actually my job. I have to do something else, full-time, and then find the energy to clear five acres of brush with hand shears,

My short little span of attention doesn't like the idea of starting in on something that will take several years to complete. I get "uncomfortable" and start squirming in my chair as soon as a project might take more than 30 minutes to complete.

Hence the thought of turning some five million words of scratch notes, outlines and partially written prose into organized and good quality content... as blog posts, articles, web content and even books... is stunningly overwhelming.

Situations like these tend to make me buzz around like a fly in a bottle, going in circles but not really "getting anywhere."

Helium, Part 2

There are too many things I really don't like, about Helium.

For one, I don't like that I can't edit my articles. I realize you don't get to edit newspaper or magazine articles either... but it's just annoying.

I don't care for the whole "ratings game," either. In order to earn, you have to rate articles. I can see the point of that-- to a degree-- but it sets up the site to be "internally sourced." What I mean is... where is the traffic from search engines? Besides... the site really doesn't "make sense." I mean, who exactly is going to be interested in reading 43 articles on the same topic? It seems a bit weird, to me.

Then there's the inflexible titles. I can't just write about things I want to write about... on Helium, you have to write to a writing prompt. It feels very "high school," to me.

I just don't think I have it in me to write a bunch of prose about things I am really not that interested in. I've been on Helium since late 2007, and my enthusiasm is definitely waning.

Helium, Part 1

Nothing is "easy."

I now have about 25 articles posted to the Helium site, but I don't really get the impression that anyone ever looks at them... or at least not enough people that it's ever going to turn into a revenue stream of any significance.

I was enthusiastic for a while, somewhat spurred on by posts in the "Success Stories" area of the Helium user forums, where some people were reporting making "quite a bit." But-- in retrospect-- they were relentlessly entering "contests" and some seemed to have over 1000 articles posted. I just don't feel like I have the ability to write that much.

For the most part, I don't even know were they get the time.

As I continue examining my efforts, it seems increasingly evident that I am far more (or perhaps "too" is a better word) concerned with creating really high quality content than most online writers. I struggle with this feeling that these "high volume" writers are producing (what feels to me) like pretty mediocre work, and yet they are considered by many as being "among the BEST."

Of course, I must publicly confess that I have struggled with perfectionism, for about as long as I have lived. I'm almost 40 years into my writing "career" and I have NEVER received a rejection slip on account of my work "not being up to our writing standards." Lots of other reasons, but not that one. And I do know lots of writers who are primarily rejected because their work is crap.

Something to think about.

Monthly Report: April 2008

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel."
~Steve Furtick

I have always related to the above quote because it reminds me of the way we compare ourselves to-- and typically fall short of-- other people's success stories. We learn about "writing online for money" and then read about someone who has monetized their blog to the tune of $10,000.00 a month and we go "oh wow!"

I've already been doing this gig for about 10 years, and whereas these grand result may be true... they are only true for 1-in-50,000 who start down this road.

Most almost all writers' results are more modest negligible.

And for that same reason, they stop.

"Well, I thought at least I'd be able to make $1,000 a month!" they say, at the end of their 6th month of making $8.77.

Anyway, this being "The Lazy Writer's Blog," I thought I would start publishing candid monthly updates, neither hiding anything nor "exaggerating,"

You know, "just the facts, ma'am."

So, without further ado, the results from the month of April 2008 were as follows:

Ad revenue from Google Adsense: $0.59.

No, I'm being dead serious, here. This is the sum total from last month. I guess there's no place to go but "up," from here. Stay tuned for future reports!

Of course, as I start expanding my horizons and writing on other "revenue sites," those will be added in.

How I Admire those... Ambitious Writers

There is a part of me that envies those writers who seem to be "making it" by having blogs, web sites, articles and content "all over creation."

I wonder where they get the energy to do all that.

One of my challenges in becoming a "serious" writer is (and always has been) that I generally lack the ambition and drive to create a lot of content. It's not that I am lacking in ideas... I'm just not a very "energetic" person, and I really never was.

On some level, I feel slightly envious of those who are able to do all these things.

I have a lot of viable ideas, and I often feel like I could be "One Of Them" if only I had the stick-to-it-iveness to carry my plans to completion. For example, I had some really nice ambitions for my Inner Reflections web site... but I have barely managed to get the "HSP Section" completed, and it's a constant struggle to not make the site look perpetually abandoned and out-of-date.

Of course-- in complete fairness-- I've never had the financial wherewithall to be able to just "take a month" to do nothing but create a "writing empire." I'm lucky if I can "afford" to steal 20 minutes now and then to write a short blog post like this one. So I guess what I am really envious of is being able to feel something other than "totally exhausted" when I have completed the daily task of "making the money to pay for electricity and food."

I expect what holds many writers back is precisely the fact that writing is so often a "long term" income proposition... you "write now" and then gradually get paid over a long period of time. That's both the beauty-- and drawback-- of royalty income.

Writing on the Internet

It was not long after I got my first Internet connection that I first thought to myself "Wouldn't it be cool if I could get paid for all this?" At the time, I was very absorbed in the process of writing lots of emails, and I had recently discovered forums, message boards and other sites with "user-generated content."

At the time-- around 1996-- there really wasn't much action in the writing online industry. The whole idea of "micropayments" was brand-new, and most of the pundits of the day were scoffing at the idea of users being PAID for their contributions. In fact, many people were still offended by the whole idea that the Internet was a commercial venue. I never could quite wrap myself around that idea... after all, the servers, and the people who put information online, the software driving it all... those things didn't just appear out of the goodness of someone's heart. SOMEthing had to buy them, drive them, and pay for their maintenance.

Beginnings, Part II

In college, I was one of those "strange people" who deliberately sought out courses that had a "heavy writing component." Truth be know, I'd much rather write a long essay, than have to get up in front of the class to present something, or be part of group work.

I was never an English major, however, as I was talked out of following any kind of writing track. Even my sophomore English professor-- who was an accomplished and published writer-- suggested that it was a bad idea to pursue writing for a living, and that fewer than 5% of writers actually made a living from the craft. Although the idea of being "a writer" really appealed to me, I had already been somewhat "conditioned" against the idea by family, so I didn't take a lot of persuading.

I did, however, take a number of creative writing courses, while in college. One of the primary lessons I got I learned in a short story writing class, where one entire 3-hour session turned into a Q&A with the professor, about becoming an author.

Naturally, one of the questions asked was "What exactly does it take to become a published author?" The professor responded that all it took was the ability to string together 75,000 words of prose, in some reasonably coherent fashion. This didn't sit well with the aspiring Hemingway's who were looking for an answer that involved words like "talent," "mastery of English" or "an original idea." Ultimately, the point was that less than 1% of what is published is "literature" quality-- the majority of books come from very mediocre writers who she the one commonality that they have the determination and discipline to sit down and write. And then to market the hell out of themselves, not giving up because they have received 85 rejection slips in a row.

I got a nice degree in Finance, and went into the business world, feeling largely like I didn't belong... but having the hope that I was doing "the right thing."